Asides

Some losses hit without warning, leaving no guide for how to navigate them. A friendship that once felt certain fades without explanation, and the absence shows in the smallest moments. A job that once provided structure vanishes, leaving days empty and unshaped. A diagnosis, breakup, or death strikes without warning, upending everything before there is time to comprehend the loss. Days blur, and time stops making sense.

The mind scrambles for reasons, for patterns, for anything that makes it make sense. It tries to force the broken pieces into a neat story, something that can be understood and filed away. Yet, some changes don’t fit into anything clean. They leave behind a space that refuses to settle, where nothing lines up the way it used to. In this new space, the work isn’t about fixing what is broken. It’s about learning to stand when everything solid has disappeared.

When everything familiar falls away, it’s natural to reach for something—anything—that feels steady. This might mean creating a new plan, making a rushed decision, or stacking up distractions just to avoid sitting in the ache. Moving fast often feels better and easier than staying still. Yet, rushing through the hard parts doesn’t make them disappear. It only makes it harder to see what has really changed. Real steadiness comes from staying still within the mess, long enough for the truth to come into focus.

In the middle of the confusion, staying grounded remains the only reliable support. It is about finding something small and consistent to hold on to, even when everything else feels scattered. It isn’t about feeling calm all the time. It is about choosing actions that make it possible to get through the day when it feels too heavy to manage.

Grounding can take the form of small acts like getting up at the same time, going for a walk, texting someone back even when words are hard to find, or sitting outside. While these actions don’t fix the confusion or erase the loss, they offer a steady point to hold onto when everything else feels uncertain. They may not rebuild what was lost, but they provide something reliable to lean on when nothing else feels certain.

Small routines often have the greatest impact. The simple acts—like washing dishes by hand—bring comfort in feeling the warmth of the water. Writing something as simple as how the coffee tasted a little stronger one morning can create a quiet sense of connection.

After a loss or major change, big goals can feel overwhelming, so focusing on smaller, steadier steps can feel more grounding. Some days, just getting out of bed is enough. These moments lay the groundwork for what comes next, creating space for the future.

After a loss, nothing can undo what’s gone, but in time, everything else reshapes itself around it. The real work and effort involves showing up, staying steady, and doing the work. Progress might be slow at first, but small steps lead to lasting change.

Eventually, a different kind of movement begins. Sometimes, being near others without talking becomes enough—walking through a bookstore, visiting the farmer’s market, or staying at the laundromat longer. It’s not about doing anything special—it’s just about being present. These moments don’t fix what’s broken, and they don’t need to. They offer a quiet reminder that life moves forward, even if it is no longer as it once was.

Hard days will still come. Some mornings feel heavier than others, for no clear reason. Having a few quiet comforts ready—a playlist, a walk, or texting someone who understands—makes it possible to keep going when everything feels fragile.

Coming back isn’t about rushing to replace what’s gone. It involves staying with and managing the uncertainty until something concrete starts to form. Not the previously envisioned life, but the one that is developing—with attention, care, and a consistent effort to progress.

In time, the pieces may not fit as they once did, but that’s not the point. What counts is staying present, even when it feels like nothing is changing. Small acts, steady routines, and the quiet decision to keep moving forward help shape something new—something that, though different, can still carry hope and the possibility of what’s to come.

Exclusion doesn’t always come as a slammed door. Sometimes it slips in quietly—tucked into rushed decisions, or meetings where a single, unspoken perspective quietly shapes the room.

It lingers in small signals, the unspoken hints about who was counted on and who was overlooked. Sometimes, it’s in the seat left unreserved, the agenda item skipped, or the silence that follows when a voice asks, “Will this work for everyone?” and no one answers. When inclusion comes last—when captions are added late, or when participation is possible only after a barrier is named and navigated—it reshapes the invitation.

It tells the person arriving that they were not part of the original plan. When this happens often enough, it does more than complicate entry—it begins to reshape the experience of belonging itself. Over time, what may have started as a workaround begins to take on the weight of a message: you are welcome, but only if you ask. Only if you wait. Only if you adjust.

Exclusion isn’t always intentional. Sometimes it happens as a result of what gets prioritized first. When accessibility is considered only after everything else—or only when someone brings it up—it can send the message that it wasn’t meant to be included from the start. In those moments, what should be a standard begins to feel optional—like a courtesy extended rather than an expected part of how things are done. When something is treated as optional, it often becomes vulnerable to delay, compromise, or omission.

If inclusion feels uneven, it can slowly form a subtle but persistent pattern. While not always immediately noticeable, it becomes harder to overlook as time goes on. It resides in the margins, in the unspoken silences, and in the moments when someone questions whether their needs are unreasonable, just because they aren’t shared by all.

Earlier reflections on Wiley’s Walk have highlighted how architecture, tone, and timing reflect values and priorities. However, inclusion extends beyond presence—it’s about whether individuals are intentionally considered from the start. It hinges on whether communication, flexibility, and difference are built into the design and function of a space. Even when a space is physically open, it can still feel unwelcoming, and even when the words are right, the feeling may fall short—because something crucial was overlooked when it mattered most.

True inclusion begins with attentiveness from the start. It does not wait for a request to surface. It shapes plans with foresight and recognizes that equity is not achieved by having everyone follow the same path but by honoring diverse experiences.

It moves beyond simply addressing needs to creating spaces where no one is required to validate their right to belong. It notices absences and omissions without being prompted. It invites participation in a way that doesn’t depend on someone’s willingness to explain why they need a different way in.

In the end, what matters most isn’t just that someone arrives—but how they are received once they do. Whether their presence feels expected, whether their needs are anticipated, and whether the space expands around them rather than contracts. True inclusion is never just logistical. It reflects what is built in from the start—what is assumed, prepared for, and made standard. It shows up in what no one has to request. Inclusion holds when belonging isn’t an exception or an afterthought, but a given. Inclusion is strongest when it is part of the foundation, not a later fix.

Not every student starts the school day at eight o’clock. For some, it isn’t a matter of sleeping through an alarm, but rather the presence of medical conditions that make an early arrival to school genuinely unfeasible. This was true for a student in Minnesota, whose medical needs conflicted with the structure of a typical school schedule.

She lives with Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome—a rare and severe form of epilepsy that typically begins in early childhood. The condition involves multiple types of seizures, often occurring in clusters, accompanied by learning challenges and unpredictable episodes. In her case, the most intense seizure activity tends to occur in the morning. By afternoon, her condition stabilizes enough to support focused learning.

In response, her family requested that her school district adjust her instructional hours to begin at noon and extend later into the day. Their request was not for less instruction, but for teaching that matched the times when she was most alert and able to engage.

The district declined to implement the change.

That decision is now under review by the U.S. Supreme Court. On Monday, the Court will hear A.J.T. v. Osseo Area Schools—a case that began as a local dispute over educational scheduling but has since expanded in scope. The outcome may carry significant implications for how discrimination is understood under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.

At the heart of the case is a question of legal standards: Must individuals with disabilities demonstrate that an institution acted with “bad faith or gross misjudgment” to pursue a claim under the ADA or Section 504?

To understand what is at stake, it is important to consider the purpose of these laws. Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act was the first federal statute to prohibit disability-based discrimination by programs receiving federal funding, including public schools.

It requires institutions to adapt their policies or practices when needed to provide equal access. The ADA widened these protections across public and private settings, affirming its commitment to full inclusion for people with disabilities. Neither the ADA nor Section 504 was designed around proving intent. Instead, both were structured to guard against exclusion—whether intentional or unintentional.

In this case, however, the Eighth Circuit Court of Appeals held that because the dispute concerned educational services, the family faced a significantly higher burden of proof. Although the court recognized that the school district had not met its obligations under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA)—a separate statute governing special education—it dismissed the claims under the ADA and Section 504, concluding that the family had failed to show bad faith or gross misjudgment.

This interpretation sets a troubling precedent. It suggests that unless a school district’s failure amounts to intentional harm or serious neglect, students may have no legal options under two of the most important civil rights laws for people with disabilities.

More recently, the school district has broadened its argument. In its brief to the Supreme Court, it claimed that this higher legal standard shouldn’t just apply to education, but to all areas covered by the ADA and Section 504—including housing, employment, healthcare, and transportation. In short, the district argues that unless access is denied in a deliberate and extreme way, there should be no liability.

If this interpretation is adopted, it would weaken federal disability protections. It would shift the focus from whether someone was excluded or denied a reasonable accommodation to whether the institution intended to cause harm. This could make it much harder for people to assert their rights under the law.

This case raises important questions not just about the law, but about how we understand disability, access, and the role of institutions. When the burden shifts to proving intent, it puts legal protection further out of reach for many people with real, ongoing, and well-documented needs.

These laws were designed to open doors—not just in theory, but in practice. They recognize that access isn’t only about ramps and elevators—it’s also about timing, flexibility, and understanding how and when people can fully participate.

This case is ultimately about more than a single student’s schedule. It’s about whether inclusion is actually upheld, or only when intent is undeniable. It also raises a broader question: will public systems adjust to meet individual needs, or will individuals be expected to fit into systems that don’t change?

As the Court weighs its decision, it’s important to remember that civil rights laws were made to protect people—not institutions. Equal access means understanding that one-size-fits-all systems don’t work for everyone. This is a chance to reaffirm what the ADA and Section 504 were always meant to do: make inclusion real, not conditional. Fairness should meet people where they are. And for students like A.J.T., access shouldn’t start with proving intent—it should start with being heard.

At the edge of the fields, the farmhouse leaned into the wind, as if it had grown tired of resisting. The porch sagged where weight had lingered too long. The boards, weathered and worn by time, had long since ceased to carry an echo. Words had seeped into the grain, softened and consumed completely.

Rain slapped sideways, worming into every corner. It turned closeness into distance, made silence feel jagged—volatile. Conversations had once moved freely through the space, light and effortless, until they began to stretch too far, lose shape, and vanish altogether.

The door drifted open, an unspoken confession begging reprieve. Rain-soaked flannel clung to his shoulders; muddy boots scarred the boards. His fingertips skimmed the table rim, then the chair back, tracing surfaces bruised by tenderness and friction. He paused where her breath once lingered, held fast by a memory of love and fury.

He stepped back into the room; the memories embedded in the floorboards held fast. By the window stood the one left behind: still, watchful, marked by what remained. The space held more than either voice could carry. A loose plank beneath the porch ticked like a clock out of rhythm. Time wasn’t moving.

He stared at the place where the shadow of their past still lingered. The rain had caught him on the way, soaking through his coat, sliding down his neck, and pooling in the folds of the fabric. It clung to him like a memory, speaking the words he couldn’t bring himself to say.

By morning, the boots were gone, but the flannel stayed. Even when absence is all that’s left, some things remain—lingering long after the storm has passed.

Unworn
A Poem by Kerry Ann Wiley

It wasn’t the rain
that undid the stillness.
Not the coat left damp,
or the porch light
blown out by morning.

It was the quiet
that climbed in after—
took off its shoes
and settled,
like it had always belonged.

By autumn,
the wind arrived differently.
Too polite.
Slipped through the frame,
like it had been gone too long to knock.

If there’s ever a return,
no questions.
Just the flannel—
left where it always was,
draped like it carried
the outline of what had been,
the weight of what never fully left.
And the storm,
still rumbling in the distance,
trying to finish what it began.

Inside,
nothing had shifted.
The hook still held the flannel
like a hand that hadn’t let go.
The floor still gave
that faint shift, like it remembered where weight used to rest.
The wind still slipped through its old opening
carrying meaning—
too subtle for words. Silence spoke in return.

The farmhouse told its story: storms survived, silences learned.
A flannel shirt hung like a coat and an unspoken promise, its warmth a trace of what once was.

Outside, the wind stilled after the rain, honoring the silence.
Secrets remained—unspoken.

When loss appears as a late-night call or a voice in the kitchen that falters, the chest constricts. The body notices before the mind can follow. Grief arrives and reshapes everything it touches.

A person may settle into a special chair without realizing it. The mind then turns back to a final conversation, to what was spoken and to what remained unspoken. Unsaid words linger.

Comfort appears in many forms. Neighbors bring warm meals. Kind messages arrive with phrases such as “Thinking of you” and “So sorry for your loss.” Such care matters, yet the atmosphere in the house feels heavier than before. Even in a crowded room, loss moves through the body like a shadow that stays—familiar and unshakable.

Memories emerge without warning. Old messages replay, voicemails are revisited, and grainy videos are watched not out of habit but for a brief sense of closeness. Grief comes fast or slow—a jacket out of place, a scent that shouldn’t be there, a pause that lasts too long. It changes how people leave, how long they stay, and what is said in between.

Those first days feel suspended. Sleep doesn’t soften the edges. Dreams carry memory and want so closely they’re impossible to tell apart. The pain returns with the morning, unchanged.

Over time, grief changes. It doesn’t disappear, and the hope that it might is more comfort than truth. The sharp edge softens. What was once overwhelming becomes something quieter, something that lingers without overtaking everything. Little by little, space opens again—for laughter that doesn’t feel like betrayal, and for gratitude that can hold pain without trying to erase it.

There is a before and an after—whoever existed before loss does not return, and whoever emerges afterward is changed by all that has been carried. Over time, the ache softens. It does not disappear, but it no longer overwhelms. The ache makes room for connection, for joy, and for a life that continues—altered but whole. There are moments when standing in the sun or placing a hand on someone’s shoulder helps make the next step feel manageable. In those simple acts, moving forward starts to feel possible.

When grief returns—and it will—it doesn’t come as a surprise. The way through is familiar, not because it hurts less, but because it’s been walked before. In that familiarity, there can be a kind of steadiness. Loss doesn’t end, but love doesn’t leave either. It stays, steady and present, long after the person is gone. These moments open space for connection and remind us that even in grief, hope still has a place.

Disconnection often arrives quietly, hidden in familiar routines. Daily rituals continue: the sticky note reminders, gentle good-night texts, quiet dinners at the usual table.

On the surface, all seems intact, giving the impression that everything is steady. Yet, beneath the calm, something subtle has shifted, unseen at first, yet unmistakably felt over time.

A pause lingers in the space where ease once dwelled. The words remain, gestures appear unchanged, but an intangible warmth and tenderness is fading. A spark that once felt certain now drifts just out of reach—though familiar, it slips away before it can settle.

Kindness still comes, but it feels different now. It carries a bit of awkwardness, like being handed a coat just as the weather turns warm. It remains thoughtful and generous, yet somehow feels off. A gesture that once fit comfortably now feels constricting. The offering, though kind, highlights a subtle discomfort—a once-familiar space now unfamiliar.

The body adapts. It slowly refrains from reaching toward gestures that no longer feel welcomed, not shutting down, but carefully recalibrating. Gradually, it rediscovers its shape, its own contours, relearning its own form. Even familiar acts now carry a quiet shift; kindness remains, but its touch has changed.

This subtle absence invites deeper listening—to what goes unspoken and what no longer happens. In those quiet spaces, attention turns to what still remains.

Echoes of Quiet
A poem by Kerry Wiley

begins
when the air forgets
the weight of what it carried.

Light brushes the skin—
brief, indifferent.
Sound flinches through the dark,
already losing its name.

Questions start
but fade mid-thought.
Names spoken aloud
no longer reach.

Even kindness
feels misplaced,
like a coat
offered in summer’s heat.

What once warmed
now watches.
Silence once gentle
now widens distance.

No invitation,
just quiet acceptance:
there is nowhere left
to be received.

The body stays still.
not refusing,
simply vacant.

No failure,
no forgetting.
Only the sense
that trusted doors
now open toward the dark.

Connection doesn’t always vanish; sometimes it just recedes. Presence lingers, gestures remain, but something once vital begins to fade. Familiar routines carry on, echoing past connection, even as the warmth within them grows faint. What once felt natural now requires effort. The body, once leaning easily into closeness, begins to hold itself differently—more cautious, more aware of where the edges now lie.

Silence deepens, not from absence but from change. Nothing has come undone—not quite. Yet something once offered without hesitation is gone. Kindness still arrives, yet its shape has shifted. In the spaces between what is said and what is felt, a question lingers: when presence stays but no longer reaches, what becomes of the ache that’s left behind?

The call came on a Saturday. It was several hours later than expected, and yet it still felt far too early.

I was sitting on the couch, folding laundry. Towels rested in a soft pile beside me, along with faded t-shirts, a pair of jeans worn thin at one knee, and pajama pants stretched out of shape.

It was the kind of task that demanded no thought—just the repetition of motion, steady and mindless.

When the phone lit up, it went unanswered at first. It rang once, maybe twice. The outcome was already clear. A quiet certainty had settled in—sharp and still—before a single word was spoken. The voice on the other end was flat and measured. It didn’t offer comfort, only facts. She was gone.

She used to brush the hair from my eyes and slip me orange soda when my mother said no. She always left the screen door unlatched, just in case someone came for a visit. Now she was gone.

It was just a regular Saturday. Two weeks had passed since I last called her.

Still, the news caught me off guard. That’s how it happens, isn’t it? Plans are made—a call, a visit, a promise that there’s still time. The hours slip by, spent on small, forgettable chores that feel important in the moment. It is easy to believe they matter. Then a door closes, and everything stops. I’m left standing in the silence, a towel in my hands, too stunned to move.

Afterward, I sat on the couch beside the stack of folded laundry. The hum of the dryer had stopped, but I hadn’t noticed. Somewhere outside, a dog barked. A child’s laugh drifted past the window. Everything else continued. I was the only one who hadn’t.

No one expects the emptiness to feel so ordinary. One minute, they are there—sending cards in the mail, leaving voicemails just to say hi, folding a joke into every conversation.

Then, without warning, there is only silence. The phone does not ring back. The house is too far away to check. The people we grew up with seem ageless until the quiet becomes routine.

Her laugh used to carry across picnic tables and church halls. It was a sound stitched into summer reunions and holiday gatherings. Bold floral prints made her easy to spot.

She never seemed afraid of being seen. She was the hardest worker, always moving from one task to the next faster than most. It felt like she was racing an invisible clock no one else could hear. There is still a note on her fridge. Her handwriting curls gently across the paper: “Don’t forget the little things.” No one has moved it.

Sometimes people slip into the background, becoming a quiet fixture of what is routine—steady, familiar, and almost unnoticed. Then, without warning, they are gone. Something quiet but anchoring slips out of place.

It came on a Saturday. It came while the coffee sat cooling in its cup.
It came while the laundry was only half folded.

Loss doesn’t always look like change. Sometimes, it looks like everything staying exactly as it was. It’s a coat still hanging by the door in June. It’s a second coffee cup, rinsed and returned to its place, but never used. It’s a voicemail that’s been saved, but never played. It’s the chair no one dares to move. It’s the porch light left on long after the habit should have faded. It’s a calendar still turned to the month they left. It’s the door that no longer gets locked—because no one is expected anymore.

“The House Didn’t Notice” offers a quiet reflection on what is often overlooked and forgotten. It rests in the spaces that remain untouched, the words left unspoken, and the tensions that have yet to find their release.

The House Didn’t Notice
(A poem by Kerry Ann Wiley)

What passed for morning
was colorless wind.
No song came through—
just the weight
of once.

Walls remembered laughter
but held only dust.
The table stayed set,
but the hands never touched.

No names were spoken.
No doors were locked.
Only a leaving
that didn’t need steps.

The sky
did not open.
The sky
did not fall.
It stood still,
watching nothing at all.

The flame curled inward.
The sea turned its face.

No place was waiting.
No grace remained.
No ending.
Just the rhythm
of staying the same.

The poem begins with a denial of renewal. Morning arrives drained of color, stripped of the brightness and sound that might have marked the promise of a new day.” “No song came through— / just the weight / of once.” The air is thick with what used to matter.

Even wind—the usual symbol of movement—is dulled. This isn’t a beginning. It’s a hollow continuation.

The lines settle into something quieter, touching on the emptiness left behind. “Walls remembered laughter / but held only dust.” Memory becomes ambient, clinging faintly to structures that no longer contain life. The table remains set, its form untouched, but the hands it waited for never returned. It’s like a clock still ticking in an abandoned room—time moving forward, but with no one left to meet it.

By the third stanza, motion itself is erased. “Only a leaving / that didn’t need steps.” There is no clear departure, no defined point of exit. What remains is not a trace but an absence, and the doors stay unlocked—not from trust or welcome—but because there is no longer any reason to protect what no one will ever return for.

Then the sky enters—not to witness, not to respond—but to remain unaffected. “The sky / did not open. / The sky / did not fall.”

The passage speaks to a deep sense of loneliness and emotional emptiness. The sky appears simply as something distant and untouched. It isn’t seeing. It just is. This silence and stillness echo the emptiness felt inside, as if the outside world reflects the same kind of numbness. Nothing changes. Nothing responds. The world remains cold and indifferent, just like the sky above.

Even the elements withdraw. “The flame curled inward. / The sea turned its face.” These are not signs of rage or sorrow. What unfolds here is a quiet subversion of the expected behavior of the natural elements—fire and water—when influenced by emotion.

Instead of rising in a dramatic display, the flame curls inward and the sea turns its face in a gesture of retreat. These are not outbursts of fury or grief, but restrained, almost reverent responses—an emotional withdrawal expressed through stillness rather than force.

It’s as though even these primal forces are overcome, not by a lack of feeling, but by emotion so profound it defies outward expression. Instead of flaring or crashing in dramatic display, the fire contracts and the ocean turns away. The intensity remains, but it manifests not through motion, but through stillness and retreat. Here, emotion pulls back, heavy with meaning.

The final lines resist closure, offering instead a purposeful absence of resolution. “No place was waiting. / No grace remained. / No ending.” These stark phrases convey neither conclusion nor transformation, withholding any sense of progression or relief. Rather than moving forward, the piece loops back on itself, returning to “the rhythm / of staying the same.”

In this repetition, meaning unfolds through what is left behind. It lingers in the hollow resonance, in the stillness that echoes softly through familiar spaces. It lives in the quiet vacancy where movement once stirred and emotion once took shape.

In the end, “The House Didn’t Notice” captures a grief so quiet it hides in the repetition of everyday rituals—the flick of a light switch, the untouched place setting, the door that stays ajar. The silence isn’t empty. It holds the residue of what once was, suspended.

The stillness speaks. The elements pull back, the sky holds its breath, and the house remains. The power lies not in what grief changes, but in what it leaves the same. In that sameness, the weight of absence quietly takes root.