Unrestrained, Unapologetic, Undiminished

The word “intense“ often surfaces when someone doesn’t quite fit the expected mold. At first, it may seem like a simple observation. Beneath it, however, lingers something unspoken—a subtle suggestion to ease up, to soften, to hold back.

It is a quiet plea to temper passion, to dial down certainty. This word appears when emotions are fully expressed, when conversations move beyond small talk, when conviction is unrestrained.

Intensity, in this sense, is often misinterpreted. It is not about volume or force but depth—a way of moving through life with awareness, curiosity, and emotions that refuse to remain superficial. For some, this depth can be unsettling. But should it be softened?

A Different Way of Experiencing the World

Some people feel everything. A passing comment lingers in their mind for days. A song isn’t just a song—it brings back a feeling, a memory, a person. Even the smallest act of kindness can be overwhelming, not just for what it is but for what it means.

This kind of intensity makes life both meaningful and exhausting. It is why beauty can bring tears, why a conversation can feel charged, and why even an ordinary day can hold such weight. It sparks a need to understand, to look beyond the surface, to uncover the deeper story beneath what people say and do.

Joan Didion (2005) once wrote, “We tell ourselves stories in order to live.” For those who experience life this way, stories are more than entertainment. They help process the world, revealing hidden meanings and forging connections that might otherwise go unnoticed. Through stories, life feels truly real.

Some may call it too much, but maybe it’s just a different way of noticing.

Depth, Not Distance

A woman who experiences life deeply is often labeled as intense, as if her nature requires softening. Depth, however, is not something to restrain—it is a presence that is deliberate, steady, and fully engaged.

She is the friend who asks how you are truly doing and listens with genuine care. She lingers in the pauses, unafraid of silence, allowing meaning to surface in its own time. Where others see only scattered pieces, she notices the patterns that connect them.

This kind of connection demands full engagement—it does not lend itself to half-measures. For some, this intensity feels unfamiliar. They may prefer something lighter, more manageable. But depth is not something to fear.

Clarity That Can Be Uncomfortable

Clarity comes not from harshness, but from focus. Some truths lose their impact when they are softened too much.

In Women Who Run With the Wolves, Estés (1992) describes the wild woman archetype as someone deeply in tune with her instincts. She refuses to be tamed or diminished, embracing her true nature with strength and certainty. This kind of clarity, grounded in authenticity and self-trust, can shift the atmosphere of a room. Superficial conversations may feel empty, while small talk often lacks the depth to keep her engaged.

The desire to understand, connect, and see things as they are isn’t about being difficult—it’s about being fully engaged. For those who find comfort in distance, this intensity may feel unfamiliar. Challenges arise when depth is met with an expectation of simplicity.

Reclaiming Strength Through Intensity

Depth and clarity are often what make women’s experiences so powerful.

Frida Kahlo, for example, used her paintings to express emotions that could not be easily softened. Through surreal, deeply personal imagery, she shared her experiences of pain, love, and resilience in a world that often asked women to appear pleasant above all else (Herrera, 1983).

Sylvia Plath wove the intensity of her inner turmoil into her writing. In The Bell Jar and Lady Lazarus, she invited readers into her struggles with love, loss, and identity, reflecting the raw realities of life (Alexander, 1991).

Marie Curie’s work was driven by a similar intensity of purpose. Her research in radioactivity, along with her discoveries of polonium and radium, contributed to major advances in science and medicine. Her relentless pursuit of knowledge led to two Nobel Prizes, establishing her as one of the most influential women in history.

Glennon Doyle (2020) captures this truth in Untamed: “When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, she becomes free to learn how to please herself.” Women like Kahlo, Plath, and Curie found that their greatness didn’t arise despite their intensity, but because of it.

The Value of Feeling Deeply

The intensity often seen in women who embrace life with passion, who move through it with purpose, should not be feared or diminished. It is a force that shapes their lives—and leaves a lasting impact on those around them.

Frida Kahlo, Sylvia Plath, and Marie Curie prove that greatness isn’t born from ease or restraint but from fully engaging with the complexities of experience and emotion. To feel deeply, engage authentically, and move through life with unyielding intensity is not a flaw—it is power. It is a force that exists without apology. Trust it. Let it shape, challenge, and redefine what is possible.

References

• Alexander, P. (1991). Rough magic: A biography of Sylvia Plath. Viking.
• Didion, J. (2005). The year of magical thinking. Knopf.
• Doyle, G. (2020). Untamed. The Dial Press.
• Estés, C. P. (1992). Women who run with the wolves: Myths and stories of the wild woman archetype. Ballantine Books.
• Herrera, H. (1983). Frida: A biography of Frida Kahlo. Harper & Row.
• Quinn, S. (1995). Marie Curie: A life. Simon & Schuster.