Month: November 2024

There’s a tension that arises when your voice meets silence or when you’re misunderstood. It doesn’t just pass by—it reaches inward, testing your sense of worth and belonging.

Often sparked by others’ biases or doubts, this feeling can lead to a choice: quiet your voice or hold it steady. In these moments, self-trust becomes an anchor, something steady and unbreakable, free from the need for validation. This piece is, in part, a response to Voice Unbound: Rediscovering and Reclaiming My True Voice, a post from Wiley’s Walk that explores the deep impact of finding and trusting one’s voice even when it stands alone.

For those who know what it feels like to be unseen or misinterpreted, this “voice unbound” is as vital as it is freeing. It doesn’t need to be understood by everyone to be worth holding onto. The journey to reclaim it is subtle and complex—a quiet process of building the inner resolve to keep showing up fully, whether or not the world is ready to meet you there.

The experience of feeling misunderstood is not unique. Disability advocate Keah Brown writes about it in The Pretty One (2019), where she shares how her self-worth isn’t built on others’ approval but on embracing her own life fully. For Brown, strength isn’t about others seeing her but about trusting her own truth, even if the world responds with indifference. Her self-worth becomes a steady, inner resolve to keep moving forward, regardless of the assumptions or misunderstandings surrounding her (Brown, 2019).

A Quiet Resolve

Strength often arrives quietly, without grand gestures. Sometimes, it’s simply the resolve to stay grounded in what feels true, even when it goes unseen by others.

Those navigating hidden challenges know this well. For people with disabilities, the world often fails to make space, and unspoken assumptions can cloud even the clearest intentions. Yet in these moments, a quiet resilience emerges—a strength that holds firm, independent of others’ acknowledgment.

This resolve is echoed in Judy Heumann’s reflections in Being Heumann. A lifelong advocate for disability rights, Judy Heumann describes purpose not as an external achievement but as something grounded in connection and inclusion.

Her purpose, she notes, didn’t depend on others’ recognition; it was anchored in her own values and commitment to others. This kind of purpose isn’t about proving anything to anyone else—it’s simply something she chose to live out, quietly and fully (Heumann & Joiner, 2020).

Redefining Purpose Beyond Productivity

For many, purpose doesn’t come from measurable success or productivity. Purpose often blooms in quieter spaces—in the depth of a relationship, in a creative moment, or in sharing something meaningful. For people living with chronic illness and other disabilities, purpose may look nothing like society’s traditional expectations, yet it’s no less real.

All the Weight of Our Dreams, edited by Lydia X. Z. Brown, redefines purpose by challenging narrow ideas of worth, presenting it as something that arises from fully and freely living one’s own story. Here, purpose is about living authentically rather than pursuing external achievements (Brown, 2017).

Judy Heumann, too, describes purpose in a way that isn’t bound by others’ expectations. For her, purpose is about being part of something larger than herself, about belonging to a community of shared values and progress. It is about connection and impact, not recognition. Heumann shows that purpose can be something simple yet deeply fulfilling, a sense of self that doesn’t need external approval to feel complete.

Finding Voice Through Connection

Sometimes, the power of a voice isn’t in how loudly it stands alone but in how it resonates with others. For those who often feel unseen or misinterpreted, finding a space where others truly understand can be grounding. In these shared spaces, voices don’t just exist in isolation; they connect, grow, and create something that transcends individual experience.

In her memoir, Haben: The Deafblind Woman Who Conquered Harvard Law, Haben Girma reflects on the profound role of meaningful connections in shaping her journey. Born deafblind, Girma describes how finding a community that understood her experiences gave her a vital foundation—a place where her voice was embraced and respected (Girma, 2019)​.

Through these connections, she illustrates how resilience often grows quietly, rooted in empathy and shared experiences. Here, listening becomes more than just hearing; it is an act of respect, a where each voice finds value, even when it’s subtle (Girma, 2019)​.

In these spaces, listening is the foundation. It isn’t about trying to be heard or seen; it’s about connecting deeply. Listening—both to ourselves and to each other—creates resilience, grounding each person in an empathy that doesn’t need outside approval.

When voices are silenced or identities are questioned, reclaiming that voice requires personal courage. It is a quiet, resolute choice—one that’s not about seeking approval but about staying true to oneself despite outside opinions. Trusting in one’s own voice isn’t meant to change others’ minds or shift their perceptions. Rather, it’s about honoring a truth that stands on its own, whether or not others understand it.

In Being Heumann, Judy Heumann shows the strength of her inner resolve. Reclaiming her voice wasn’t about fitting in or changing how others saw her. It was about staying true to a purpose that didn’t need outside approval. Her story reminds us that self-trust can be quiet yet unwavering, a decision held firmly without expectation.

Reflecting on this, one question remains: what does it really mean to stay true to ourselves and speak up, even when others may not fully hear us? Maybe it’s about trusting, listening, and sharing anyway—understanding that every voice has weight, matters, even if it’s only partly understood.

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References

• Brown, K. (2019). The Pretty One: On Life, Pop Culture, Disability, and Other Reasons to Fall in Love with Me. Atria Books.
• Brown, L. X. Z. (Ed.). (2017). All the Weight of Our Dreams: On Living Racialized Autism. DragonBee Press.
• Girma, H. (2019). Haben: The Deafblind Woman Who Conquered Harvard Law. Twelve.
• Heumann, J., & Joiner, K. (2020). Being Heumann: An Unrepentant Memoir of a Disability Rights Activist. Beacon Press.

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The sting of disbelief still lingers. I recall standing there, motionless, as my teacher’s harsh words pierced the classroom silence: “Kerry, you couldn’t have written this.”

That single sentence felt like everything unraveling at once—a complete dismissal of all I had invested. Hours of effort, each word carefully chosen and every sentence meticulously crafted, erased in an instant. The accusation hung thick in the air, wrapping doubt around my words as though they belonged to someone else.

The classroom lights buzzed overhead, their cold fluorescence casting a harsh glare. The air smelled faintly of chalk and anxiety, making me feel isolated despite the crowded room. My classmates’ eyes darted down, pencils fidgeting against notebooks. No one met my gaze as the teacher’s words echoed, an accusation branded onto my spirit. My mind raced to defend myself, but the words froze, stuck somewhere between disbelief and shame.

Maybe my words didn’t sound like mine at all.

This wasn’t just about the writing itself; it was about my voice, the authenticity of each thought I had painstakingly put down. The piece had been a reflection of my work, now suddenly that effort felt hollow. Every chosen phrase and meticulous revision had been stripped of meaning by a single judgment. The classroom air felt heavy, tight with silence where trust or encouragement might have been.

Back at home, the atmosphere shifted as my family enveloped me in warmth and reassurance. “You know your own work. Don’t let someone else’s doubt drown out your voice,” they reminded me. Their support steadied me, affirming that the effort and every word was mine. Yet, even their encouragement couldn’t fill the hollow absence left by that one missing ally in the room. I had needed someone to stand beside me, to see the words as I had, to trust the voice behind them.

Gradually, the sting of accusation and rejection faded, and was replaced by a quiet question: Could I trust this voice, my voice, even if no one else did? This question lingered, urging me to understand what it truly means to believe in myself. Trust doesn’t demand attention; it appears when you choose to keep going, even when it feels futile and doubt is near.

Each time I picked up my pen and wrote another line, my voice grew stronger, steadier, like roots finding their way through stone. Slowly, the voice I had almost abandoned began to feel like my own again. In reclaiming it, I found a new purpose: to support others as they find their voices too.

I began to understand that some of the most powerful choices are quiet ones—to be present, to listen, to honor someone’s story without judgment. It’s about seeing others clearly, even when they can’t yet see themselves. Imagine a friend sharing a story, something fragile and untested.

In that moment, you have a choice: to listen fully or let it pass. Listening deeply, without rushing to respond, tells them: Your voice matters. Or think of someone passed over because they don’t fit the mold. Recognizing their worth becomes an act of quiet trust.

These small choices create something lasting—a foundation of trust and belief, built one quiet moment at a time. It doesn’t need to be seen; it asks only that we show up, listen, and help others learn to trust their own voices.

Real learning, I’ve realized, often lives in these quiet acts. It goes beyond classrooms and tests. True understanding comes from setting aside our own perspectives to make room for others. By doing so, we allow them to be heard as they are. Growth happens when we take the time to see through someone else’s eyes, honoring their experience without rushing to respond. In each moment of listening, another voice finds its place.

Looking back, I understand that finding one’s voice isn’t about breaking silence but about having the courage to listen—to yourself and to others—in quiet moments. That sting of disbelief became a catalyst for resilience, turning my voice into something steadier and stronger. It sparked a belief in myself I hadn’t fully known, and with it, a purpose: to stand beside others as they uncover and strengthen their own voices.

In the end, finding your voice isn’t about being loud; it’s about the courage to keep going, to listen deeply even when it’s hard. That moment of doubt with my teacher taught me not just to trust in my own voice but to help others find theirs. By being there for each other, we create a space where every voice matters.

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The reunion hall was filled with laughter and voices, faces blending into a buzzing crowd. I stood back, watching, feeling a quiet uncertainty I couldn’t shake, as though my life had slipped off course.

Then, across the room, I saw Sarah—a friend whose calm strength I’d long admired. Her presence here was unexpected, and she seemed unchanged, moving through the crowd at her own steady pace. Sarah had always faced life’s challenges with quiet resilience, never asking for attention or applause, just pressing forward, true to her values. Her courage, I realized, was a kind that didn’t need to be seen to be real.

As I watched her, I started to rethink what courage looked like. It wasn’t just in bold actions or grand gestures. Sometimes, it was in a steady step or a calm presence, in staying true to oneself even when no one else noticed. Sarah’s quiet persistence showed me that courage could exist without needing an audience.

Feeling inspired, I wrote a poem about this kind of strength:

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Shapes of Courage
By Kerry A. Wiley

Bravery wears no single form—
it’s shapeless, shifting, thin.
It is found in steps we cannot see,
in battles kept within.

Strength can live in stillness, too,
not only in the fight;
it moves beneath what others know,
not always bound to sight.

For some, it’s speaking through the noise,
for others, silence held—
courage wears its secret face,
in voices never quelled.

Sometimes it’s holding to the ground,
sometimes letting go,
sometimes naming shadows there
and truths we cannot show.

It can mean refusing walls,
or making peace with them—
or bending in the quiet dark,
or finding light again.

It’s woven in the way we move,
in whispers, waves, and tides—
bravery the quiet pulse
that settles deep inside.

So here’s to strength that wears no name,
that breaks or lets us be,
a courage that remakes itself,
untethered, wild, and free.

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Until then, I’d thought of courage as something bold and unmistakable, something you couldn’t miss. But watching Sarah, I saw courage could also be quieter, private, but no less powerful. I realized that courage could be as soft as it was strong.

This moment inspired Shapes of Courage. I wanted to honor a kind of bravery that doesn’t draw attention—a quiet resilience that carries people through their everyday struggles. In the poem, I tried to reflect how courage isn’t just a bold act but can also be a quiet, lasting strength.

Lines like “shapeless, shifting, thin… found in steps we cannot see, in battles kept within” were written for people like Sarah. Disability scholars like Clare (2020) and Wendell (2019) remind us that courage isn’t always about grand gestures; for many, it’s the small choices to keep going, even when no one notices.

When I wrote “strength can live in stillness, too, not only in the fight,” I wanted to capture this quieter form of resilience. Siebers (2018) describes this hidden strength, often missed because it doesn’t fit traditional images of bravery. Sometimes, though, courage is simply staying steady, a persistence that deserves to be honored.

In Shapes of Courage, I wanted to explore how we face limits and live with them. Goodley (2017) suggests resilience isn’t about overcoming every obstacle; it’s about learning to live alongside them. Shakespeare (2018) writes of resilience as a balance between holding on and letting go. My poem pays tribute to this kind of strength, courage that adapts and meets us where we are.

In the final lines, “strength that wears no name” refers to courage beyond recognition. Siebers (2018) notes that the courage tied to disability often goes unrecognized because it doesn’t fit the usual idea of bravery. Yet this hidden courage matters; it exists without needing an audience.

Writing Shapes of Courage changed how I understand courage. Disability research encourages us to look beyond visible acts of resilience and recognize the strength found in everyday, quiet decisions (Goodley, 2017; Clare, 2020; Siebers, 2018). Through this piece, I hope to honor that quiet, unbreakable courage that shapes lives, even when it passes unseen or unnoticed through a crowded room.

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References

• Clare, E. (2020). Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure. Duke University Press.
• Goodley, D. (2017). Disability Studies: An Interdisciplinary Introduction. Sage Publications.
• Shakespeare, T. (2018). Disability: The Basics. Routledge.
• Siebers, T. (2018). Disability Theory. University of Michigan Press.
• Wendell, S. (2019). The Rejected Body: Feminist Philosophical Reflections on Disability. Routledge.

Grace often feels elusive, like trying to catch raindrops or hold snowflakes. Over time, I’ve come to see grace as a steady support during life’s uncertainties and challenges.

In childhood, grace was natural and effortless. Hurts and disappointments didn’t linger; trusting and forgiving came easily. Letting go happened instinctively, without the burden of past hurts.

As I transitioned into adulthood, the simplicity of grace became more complex. Life’s disappointments lingered longer, requiring me to actively choose grace instead of it being an automatic response. Grace is no longer automatic but a deliberate practice developed through challenges and setbacks. Accepting imperfections requires effort, turning grace into a cultivated strength.

Grace does not appear during easy times. Instead, it emerges in our darkest moments, reminding us that every stumble offers a chance to start anew. Embracing grace means seeing life honestly, recognizing both its beauty and flaws, and holding space for both. It takes courage to acknowledge, “This is hard, but I’m still here,” and to find peace in that resilience.

Living with Cerebral Palsy has deepened my understanding of grace. It is not a fragile or passive quality but a resilient strength, especially on days when expectations can feel overwhelming. As a child, I never considered my limitations, but as I grew, I became aware of how the world measures abilities and sets standards. Embracing grace has been essential in honoring my unique journey and finding beauty in its rhythm, even when it differs from others.

Through each challenge and setback, grace has become the resolve that keeps me grounded on tough days. It is the inner voice that says, “Yes, this is hard, but I’m still moving forward.” When frustration arises, grace helps me see my strength and gives me the determination to say, “This is challenging, but I am here.”

Practicing grace means embracing patience and acceptance. It allows for mistakes and releases the need to adhere to others’ timelines, creating a sense of freedom. Grace doesn’t demand flawless progress but supports moving forward and recognizing challenges.

Everyday actions can reflect grace in many forms, such as staying calm during tough conversations or reaching out to mend relationships despite discomfort. This kind of grace requires humility—overlooking flaws, offering forgiveness, and letting go of past hurts to preserve peace. It recognizes that life is inherently messy. Ultimately, grace is a steady peace that carries us through life’s challenges.

Grace also means embracing my journey with its unpredictable twists and varied terrain, approaching each step with intention. By choosing grace, it becomes a guiding strength, propelling me forward one imperfect step at a time.