The café buzzed with life, packed shoulder-to-shoulder on a warm Saturday morning. At a small table by the window, Quinn sat alone. Her pencil moved in quiet strokes as she sketched the strangers drifting by outside. This corner was hers—her refuge—where she could observe unnoticed, content to watch the world without it ever watching back.
A young barista approached her table, a warm smile on her face. Quinn looked up, expecting the usual offer of a refill or a casual conversation about the weather. Instead, the barista bent down, her voice soft and filled with an earnest sweetness. “You are so inspiring,” she said, eyes wide with admiration. “I just wanted to tell you that. You’re really brave.”
Quinn paused, her pencil hovering above the page. She smiled politely, muttered a quick “thanks,” and returned to her drawing, hoping the conversation would end there. And it did—but not without leaving its mark.
It wasn’t the first time someone had said that to her, and it wouldn’t be the last. The words came from a good place, Quinn knew. However, their effect was always the same—an invisible line drawn between her and the rest of the world. A reminder that, to many, her simple act of existing in a café was an act of bravery.
It wasn’t bravery, though. It was just Quinn—living her life.
Seen, but Not Fully Understood: Everyday Experiences of Otherness
The café setting offers a glimpse into how some people interact with those who have disabilities. For Quinn, who has Cerebral Palsy, and others with various disabilities, these encounters often bring a deeper awareness of feeling different. It is not just about physical accessibility—it is also about the attitudes and assumptions that shape how people with disabilities are treated.
For Quinn and others, the sense of ‘otherness’ can be subtle. The feeling of ‘otherness’ shows up in how people speak to people with disabilities, in the interactions they experience, and in the social norms that shape those moments.
Often, the presence of people with disabilities highlights the gap between those who fit societal expectations and those who don’t. This divide, rooted in longstanding cultural views, affects how people with disabilities are seen, included, or are sometimes left out.
Subtle Exclusion in Everyday Life
Quinn’s experience, like that of many people with disabilities, often emerges through subtle interactions that expose society’s underlying assumptions. In job interviews, for example, the conversation can shift from Quinn’s qualifications to her needs, revealing an underlying focus on her disability rather than her skills.
Similarly, as illustrated in the café scene, Quinn might encounter comments such as, “You’re so brave,” simply for participating in everyday activities. While these remarks are usually intended to be supportive, they highlight the perception that her presence or involvement is exceptional. This inadvertently reinforces a sense of separation, highlighting how people with disabilities are frequently perceived as different from their peers, even in the most routine aspects of life.
The Role of Language
Language has a powerful impact on how people without disabilities can view people like Quinn and others living with disabilities. Words like “special needs” or “handicapped” might seem polite or neutral, but they are outdated. These terms can carry hidden assumptions, subtly suggesting that people with disabilities are somehow different from what’s considered “normal.”
Even when used with good intentions, they can reinforce unspoken barriers, making it harder to see people with disabilities as fully included and equal in everyday life.
Intersectionality and Identity
For many individuals with disabilities, the intersection of gender and disability adds an extra layer of visibility that can be both challenging and complex. Take Quinn, for example. Navigating the world with multiple identities often means standing out in ways that feel overwhelming, especially in social or professional environments where both their gender and disability draw attention.
This heightened visibility isn’t just about being noticed; it introduces a unique complexity into everyday interactions. Quinn must manage the challenges that come with living with a disability while also confronting societal perceptions and biases tied to gender—and sometimes, other aspects of identity. These overlapping experiences create a dynamic where they are often scrutinized or misunderstood in ways that can feel isolating.
In social settings, relationships, and workplaces, the weight of this intersection can deepen feelings of exclusion. It is not just about overcoming physical barriers; it’s also about shouldering the emotional toll of being hyper-visible in spaces that may not always be welcoming or accommodating.
Quinn, like many others, knows that factors such as race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status can further complicate the experience of marginalization. These intersecting identities reveal how exclusion operates on multiple fronts, making it clear that true inclusion must consider the whole person—addressing all aspects of identity, not just one.
True Inclusion Goes Beyond Accessibility
Inclusion goes beyond making physical spaces accessible; it requires transforming perceptions and interactions once people with disabilities enter those spaces. For many individuals, like Quinn, there is an ongoing awareness of being perceived as different—whether due to disability, gender, or other identities—which can create a heightened sense of visibility. This awareness is not just a fleeting discomfort but can pose a deeper challenge, where being seen does not necessarily lead to feeling fully understood. It can subtly diminish the sense of belonging.
Everyday encounters, such as a barista’s well-intended, but awkward comment, illustrate how people with disabilities are sometimes “othered,” highlighting how people can view circumstances through the lens of pity or admiration, rather than as equals. Disability scholars suggest that this sense of ‘otherness’ arises from societal norms that prioritize perceived limitations over individual strengths. These biases can perpetuate exclusion, even in spaces designed to be inclusive.
Fostering true inclusion involves addressing these ingrained biases and fostering an environment where diversity, in all its forms, is truly valued. For individuals like Quinn, inclusion means reshaping the concept of belonging—not merely being present in a space, but feeling genuinely welcomed and appreciated as individuals.
Ultimately, inclusion is not about achieving perfection, but about transforming how people perceive and interact with those with disabilities. The experiences of individuals like Quinn highlight the need for a cultural shift, where accessibility is just the foundation for creating spaces where everyone, regardless of ability, feels they truly belong.
References
- Campbell, F. K. (2009). Contours of ableism: The production of disability and abledness. Palgrave Macmillan.
- Erevelles, N., & Minear, A. (2010). Unspeakable offenses: Untangling race and disability in discourses of intersectionality. Journal of Literary & Cultural Disability Studies, 4(2), 127–145. https://doi.org/10.3828/jlcds.2010.11
- Shakespeare, T. (2018). Disability: The basics. Routledge.
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