For eight weeks in 2015, life as I knew it stopped. I saw every doctor possible to identify the cause of a mysterious and unknown pain in my legs. By the fifth medical visit, I was exhausted. Every test that was conducted came back normal. However, I went from being able to walk three miles a day to not being able to walk across a room without feeling excruciating pain.
I argued with the doctors and representatives from the insurance company. I knew how to fight for tests that would help me to get answers and a diagnosis. I wrote letters that explained the pain I was experiencing was not typical. I had to gather medical information and records that verified this fact. It was only after receiving this evidence and documentation that the doctors wrote authorizations for a Nerve Conduction Velocity (NCV) test and an MRI. An NCV is a test to see how fast electrical signals move through a nerve. This test is done along with electromyography (EMG) to assess muscles for abnormalities. The NCV test came back normal. The MRI came back showing stress fractures in my ankle that were not visible from an x-ray.
After my foot was casted, I could not bear weight on my ankle for the next two months. When the cast came off, my first steps were tentative. I found I was afraid to put weight on my right foot. After a few steps, I realized I could move with the support of my walking devices. My right foot was weak. The loss of strength and function became evident by the increase in my foot drag, the visible turn out of my foot, and my inability to lift my foot up when I attempted to negotiate stairs.
In the weeks that followed, I asked the question I did not want to ask. “Did my aggressive approach to walk without devices cause this injury?” The medical professionals I worked with did not know the answer to this and could not tell me how to prevent the injury from happening again. They advised caution. The aggressive approach I was pursuing to walk device-free could have contributed to the injury. Their recommendation was that my exercise and fitness regimen had to change, be less aggressive, and focus on preserving my mobility instead of attempting to walk-device free.
An English author, Sarah Evans states the following about feelings of failure “Failure is hard. Whenever it happens, in whatever form it comes, however old you are, it will always be difficult. But come it will.”  I knew failure could come. I was not ready for it. When I looked up definitions of failure from various authors in health care and other disciplines, failure was defined as falling short or not achieving something desired.
I originally thought that not having answers about the cause of the pain in my legs was the scariest and hardest part of my experience. All of a sudden all of my effort and work had to stop. I did not expect the intense emotions that came after the injury. I was angry that the injury occurred. I was irritated with myself for being too aggressive with my exercise and fitness regimen. The broken bones represented a larger loss. I lost my sense of spirit, optimism, and confidence.
Adversity is defined as experiencing a hardship, for example, an injury or an illness. I suffered a temporary physical injury. In my mind however, I saw ten years of effort culminating into a perceived failure. The broken bones in my ankle made me feel vulnerable. Overcoming the sense of loss and disappointment that I had failed was hard. I was used to succeeding and overcoming obstacles.
Resilience is about finding a new path after a setback. I had to regain a sense of confidence and define a new outcome. Instead of walking-device free, the new goal involved identifying strategies to maintain existing mobility and trying to improve it over time. Tell me Wiley’s Walk Readers, how have you faced and conquered adversity?
[1.] Evans, S. H. (2000, March 13). Facing Up to Life in the Real World Can Be Hard; Sarah H Evans Says Young People Should Learn How to Deal with Failure. The Birmingham Post (England).